#38 Pod Against Humanity
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Summary
We don’t know about you, but we needed to do something SILLY to break the tension of this whole Pandemic thing. We played a Cards Against Humanity inspired game called Remote Insensitivity together online.
Content warning: this game is intentionally offensive and we do our best to keep within our core values as humanists and feminists. We also just rolled around in some dark humour for a while because it felt indulgent.
Have fun. We live in interesting times. Joy still exists. And so does our new community! Check out the Pod Pod Cvlt Cast Community here! Free for all, with subscription options for extra Pod access!
Click here to jump to the FULL TRANSCRIPT of this episode.
Resources & References
- Remote Insensitivity
- “Voodoo Economomics” Ferris Beuller’s Day Off
- Glory Holes
- Columbo
- Cheers
- Jenny Jones Show
- “The Whole Damned System” – The Simpsons Season 9
- “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!” – Network
- “You can’t handle the truth” – “A Few Good Men
- DVDA – Double Vaginal Double Anal Penetration
- DVDA musical group
- Orgasmo
- Baseketball
- Dodgeball
- Balls of Fury
- Midsommer
- War (Uhn Good God)
- Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
- My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys
- Farmers Only
Episode 38 Transcript
Our transcripts are done by an AI with some brief editing by us to keep our costs free/minimal. If you’d like better transcripts, please consider becoming a Patreon Supporter! If our web version is not comfortable for you to read, try the link at the end that takes you to a version from our transcript-provider.
Max
Oliver damn spots under his nostrils for his breathing it’s really
Chastain
That’s because he has allergies that trees
Hannah
and the grasses and all the flowers
Max
oh I didn’t tell you guys this at dinner I was saving for recording because I saw some apocalyptic shit when I went to the city to pick to pick up takeout
Erik
about my everyday life. So there
Max
you know like there is a class of motorcycle that is like halfway in between a street bike and a dirt bike you know they’re called on off or whatever. So there’s that, but there was a guy on the interstate that took the then took the same exit that I did and was riding through the city on just a straight up no license plate dirt bike with a straight up dirt bike, non Like antsy street helmet with a GoPro on top of it, just Terran ass like blowing through stoplights going a million miles an hour, and it was the most like, no law post apocalyptic shit I’ve seen yet.
Erik
There’s like a gang of kids that live not too far from here that do stuff like that all the time actually. One of them’s on a four wheeler.
Max
Yeah, in our old neighborhood like, there were a bunch of those redneck kids that had long already with the mowing decks removed
Hannah
the lawn tractor game. I want to be one of their number.
Max
But they go slow. Walk by, I don’t really understand.
Erik
They weren’t the racing.
Max
No, just a story on straight up five horsepower Briggs and Stratton Whatever.
Erik
No, that’s sound acceptable. No, these kids they wrote
this. They wrote
Hannah
back. Oh wait.
Erik
They’re quite noisy.
Chastain
Welcome to the Pod Pod Apocolypse Cast.
Hannah
Bringing you high quality quarantine entertaining for morning.
Chastain
I’m Chastain!
Hannah
, I’m Hannah
Max
I’m Max.
Erik
And I am Erik.
And we’re coming to you
Erik
from various places
from all over this great world of ours.
Max
So if you guys noticed on podcast that a lot of them released an episode, right after like all of the shutdown, quarantine stuff started where they were courting remotely, I guess because people just wanted to like, get out something current and talk about it. And then they’re now going back in to like, episodes that they had banked no it went from like hearing the recorded like hearing the Skype call or whatever yeah to now like they’ve gone back to ones where they’re obviously in the same room.
Yeah together. Yeah. Or have just polished up the at home recording experience. It seemed like a lot fresher
Pod Pod Cvlt Cast
out like a loser or something. Yeah,
Chastain
yeah. Yeah, I feel like we have
Max
ribbit ribbit dude that sounds like you’re opening right now right?
Erik
Oh no that was my ankle.
ankle and rip your ankle
Erik
moves that was just my ankle cracking. Ah.
Chastain
So I’ll go ahead and just clean this episode.
This is a podcast where we talk about
Erik
Max’s egg okay.
Chastain
We talk about broken penises, and home joints popping and and whatever else comes up. And while we discuss those topics, we may also discuss things that are uncomfortable like abuse, the pandemic, mental health
care’s time doesn’t mean anything, what matters No, no
Erik
way to follow through the disclaimer
is keeping it light.
Max
That’s the very definition of life.
Chastain
When those things that when those things happen, we’re just gonna, you know, keep going keep on going tonight, we thought we’d do something fun. So we’re gonna play online Cards Against Humanity with each other, because we didn’t know what to talk about. So yeah, we’re gonna have fun and do talk about inappropriate things.
Max
You have the same like gritted teeth. smiled put upon dad has recovered
Yeah, everybody’s gonna have good we’re gonna have a good time
Max
paying $100 a piece for us here
you also want to have tents and long distance fun with your friends and family. This is an in browser little yeah herring got up
Chastain
table playing cards.io and scroll down to what is this called? What’s
Max
this remote
remote insensitive insensitivity. There’s a disclaimer that says this is not Cards Against Humanity but also Cards Against Humanity is free to use, go to their website, download the card, you can print them print them out, cut them out. We’re not gonna do that. We’re just gonna
do a printer that works anymore. Like
Erik
better at all.
Max
Like, okay, it’s so expensive and there would be so much pretty do given
approximate costs to like, create your Dec. Yeah. Which I assume is to encourage you to just buy the nice, already printed for you. But really like
Chastain
I think I’ve had this conversation a lot recently about printing things and nobody has a working printer right now.
Well, I was relying on the office printer, don’t tell my job. And now I don’t go there. And could you
Max
could you go to your office? Like Could you just
I would have Yes, I would get a temperature check at the door and they would ask me why I rectally?
Max
No, I was no, I was thinking that it would just be like nobody would even know like tumbleweed would be blowing across the
Erik
No man, the
person at the front desk.
Some very boring screed and desperate person at the front desk would
have questions for me
Max
about what I saw on social media today in office place that installed a $20,000 infrared camera to measure their Employees temperature rectally in and then for again no without pay. Wow. There are lots of really good decisions being made out there. And also kink polyamory, etc. So we’re still
Chastain
we’re still here for you great. polyamory cake podcast action.
Who wants to read first?
Chastain
Um, I’ll go first. Cuz I’m into it. Yay, podcasting. Okay, okay. I do I flip on it. I flip it. Okay. Oh no, I flipped the wrong one. I flipped a bitch. Oh no. Oh,
Max
that seems like that’s the
right one. Okay, it can be this one was already drawn. I’ll just put it back.
Oh, Hannah has some kind of like master control. Oh, wait, no, that’s what you do.
Okay,
flip it. I thought there’s no option.
Okay, thanks man
All right, I’m old so I got all right got it. Okay.
Chastain
All right, they’re fucking with me over here. I can okay
all right so here’s your card.
Erik
The listeners can’t see this
Chastain
axis Okay, just read describe what’s going on what’s happening so that you know that when I murder my husband
It was your intention
Erik
to say
that you know, Joan, Joan.
Chastain
Much Tiger This is an episode of no we haven’t watched her game and that’s what we should be talking about.
We shouldn’t be talking about
Chastain
this is an episode of Law and Order junked young but before Before I kill you Mr. Bond I must show you blank
Erik
sounds like a Bond movie no in order this is the card Erik shares and
Chastain
so I’m gonna just I’m gonna narrate what’s happening on the screen right now. Everybody’s fighting I was going
to play with
everybody’s everybody’s fighting over the same spot. Wait,
Erik
oh wow what the fuck?
Chastain
All right how do I turn them over? Do I just click on them?
Yeah, okay. Boop boop before I cou Mr. Bond I must show you.
Erik
Somebody is missing.
That’s my job. Oh, I’m sorry. It’s my turn to read the thing. Here’s the things
Chastain
I don’t have the same spirit. But before I kill you, Mr. Bond, I must show you full frontal nudity. Oh, I know which ones winning before I before I kill you Mr. Bond. I must Show you fellowship in Christ.
Max
Dead me. Come on. Let me
before I kill you, Mr. bone. I must show you tentacle porn
that was made for you.
Max
Yeah, I was playing to my audience.
Good job.
I’m planning to right. Yes. Cool. You did you played your audience. So, yes, tentacle porn. So max gets a point.
All right. Hey guys, welcome to Chili’s. Would you like to start the night off right with?
With something? See?
Chastain
My answer is entirely appropriate. Okay. And not at all gross.
I’m actually skeptical. And we don’t ever talk about
Max
how I hate the word inappropriate or the way the inappropriate is used. Like inappropriate is used just to mean like, that’s dirty, when sometimes that is appropriate to the situation. Yeah. So people will go like that’s so inappropriate. Like No, we’re like Making dirty jokes like that’s the whole point.
Only dirty jokes are appropriate in this situation.
Erik
I also hate when people use literally to mean figuratively. Yeah, I literally hate that.
Let’s try.
Well, I hate when people use unacceptable to just mean something they don’t like.
Erik
Yes, I would agree with that as well. Yes, it’s unacceptable.
Quite. Hey guys welcome to Chili’s Would you like to start the night off right with a fetus? Oh
Hannah
or perhaps dying
Max
soon not soon enough
girl from the dead put to like to start the night off right with
so you have a soundboard on that thing?
Max
Oh, yes, yeah just used
Alright, Who has geese? I do
fat clouds right whose turn
Max
as it Arby’s we have that was being raised does that right? He does know and that thing right that was me doing thing right
Arby’s in our area still open Oh in case you’re wondering
Max
craving in case you want a bad bathroom experience never
RP never meet that I enjoy and lamb
Max
yeah I read that on the bathroom wall at Arby’s we have a bowl of Manny’s and human teeth. Oh that’s Hardee’s. Arby’s we have I can’t do this new tab legal immigrants. Oh and or we have, we have Seven dead in three in critical condition. Arby’s we have seven dead in three conditions. It’s my way tie between Yes. Between me, Hannah and Erik.
Erik
Okay, so this time I don’t throw one out there, correct?
Correct.
Erik
I don’t draw one either. Do
Chastain
you and you don’t discard.
Erik
It didn’t read it for us, Erik. Okay. I’m no doctor, but I’m pretty sure you’re suffering from this cold.
Something’s indecisive. That you max.
Max
I think there were. I think it was me and test.
Several people are indecisive.
Erik
Well, somebody already flipped.
hide that.
You can’t take
Max
the cheap, prematurely flip it. She’s changing it now.
I fix it.
Go Erik.
Erik
Yay. I’m no doctor. But I’m pretty sure well you’re suffering from is cold. Ronald Reagan. Oh, too soon
had a bad case of the trickle down economics.
Max
Something do something do economics.
Erik
Voodoo I’m no doctor, but I’m pretty sure what you’re suffering from is called.
Oh
Erik
yeah, it’s too close to home. I’m pretty sure what you’re suffering from is called Axe body spray.
Oh,
Erik
I’m going poverty, poverty. When’s it?
Yes. Poverty Give it to me poverty always wins it poverty a place of privilege
Yeah, it’s my turn. Oh no, I did it wrong. Okay Why is so small Okay. What what grandma find disturbing yet oddly charming.
Oh, I have a difficult decision you go. Oh
that’s what she said. I saw your tummy max.
Max
Yeah my shirt dried. No.
Chastain
All right. Grandma would find Oh, Erik would find glory holes. disturbing yet oddly charming
Erik
headed grandma turned into me.
Max
Grandma would find turn into my great
Chastain
grandma would find a bitch slap disturbing yet oddly charming. Or grandma would find seeing my father cry, disturbing yet oddly charming. I’m going with glory holes because again, somebody was playing to their audience.
Cory was that person.
Max
Oh, that was me.
Yes, we’re winning out here.
Chastain
Next is this audience I like tentacle porn in quarter holes like
Max
holes in glory holes
Chastain
in a core hole. like nobody would know like whose tentacle It was. It would be like a mystery tentacle. Is it a squid?
is an octopus?
Or is it a monster? What?
Can you fingerprint tentacles? 10 tentacles?
Max
Probably probably technically like the suckers are probably quite individual on a micro basis. So yeah, probably make a popping sound with your mouse cephalopod. Detective.
Thank you.
Max
That’s right word, right.
She’s the cephalopod
Max
detective. Is it That’s right word, right. If you were like, if you were like the cephalopod Colombo if you’re like, Oh, yeah, sorry to bother you, man, that makes sense. That makes sense. Oh, but one more question.
tentacle.
Max
Right.
A recent laboratory study shows that undergraduates have 50% less sex after being exposed to max. I think that’s actually Your turn. I’m just moving things. Okay.
Don’t you get say it out loud. It’s gonna be special.
Erik
We got a show game going.
Max
Yeah shuffled.
And I wasn’t paying any attention. So
Chastain
good job. Oh, wow. That’s I’m glad that we’re all about the truth on this. Yes.
undergrad undergraduates have 50% less sex after being exposed to the Boy Scouts of America
Erik
inaccurate
Tell me how you know
Erik
was it I mean did I study? No, that was what that whole scandal was right take Do you still have your uniform? I was never a boy scouts.
Max
Yeah, and it shows
after being exposed to by Agra or after being
Max
heard Mark often.
Yo
Max
see that
goes to Max’s pawn. Oh wait, so I will give to it.
Yeah
I can steal your Wait,
Erik
like my point with human teeth? What do white people wish?
Oh, I just drew the one I needed.
Erik
Huh? Yo, decisions decisions. There’s so many afterwards.
So many white people liking so many things.
Chastain
White people like podcasting where they play car games. And they like up speak,
Max
up speak
Erik
where everything is go the wrong way where every sentence sounds like a question.
Chastain
Unless you’re Australian, and then it’s now
Max
rise in Australia. Why people like Danny DeVito. That’s true. Yeah, but everybody likes my Uber driver pop.
Oh or preteens.
Max
I’m most comfortable saying Danny DeVito
Erik
just made Hannah go epic man. That’s
the first time today.
Max
She’s hashtag winning just
happened in so long.
Erik
Oh, that’s right. It’s my turn my bed.
Isn’t my turn
Erik
no player for today. Oh, Laurie. Hope My son is
Max
there right we’re good. Danny we’re all if your son is Danny DeVito
Erik
No, I hope not. No. Today on Bori help my son is my relationship status What? My son is tap dancing. like there’s no tomorrow. That’d be an interesting episode.
Max
The TV Guide tears coach like revisits is bad, huh wonder what that’s all about?
tV rbtv again, okay, moving forward.
Erik
Not like that. Not like that. Today Oh boy. Oh, my son is some kid who stole my turkey sandwich. That one wins cuz I like a turkey sandwich.
Max
Take it. I will say though, that this question was phrased incorrectly because that was the Jenny Jones show that every title Yeah, that’s helped me Kenny, my kid is a golf or whatever. Because in my first semester at at college, I came home three days a week, and set in the floor and the dirty living room of the dirty punk house I lived in and ate a giant bowl of Froot Loops and watch the TV show. You’re that punk kid? That ain’t my turkey sandwich.
Chastain
Are y’all are y’all ready for the next one? Yes, alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of blank.
shuffling the cards around.
Chastain
All right, I’ll turn the mess medicine is now embracing the curative powers of eyeballs on your face. Alternative Medicine is now embracing the curative power of how amazing it is to be on
Mars. That’s actually factually
Chastain
actually true. and alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of Hillary Clinton’s emails,
Max
but her email
Chastain
but her emails um
Max
economic insecurity etc
Mmm
Hmm
Chastain
It’s really between balls and mushrooms,
Erik
isn’t it?
But balls and mushrooms
Chastain
I can only give the point to one person. Oh, I’m gonna need you to convince me
Erik
Well, mine was factually accurate.
Chastain
Okay, so Yours is the mushrooms that’s factually accurate who had balls?
I mean I did. But then you that’s what
I gave them to science.
hours can be shared with the world. So Hannah, yours was balls? Yeah, why should I choose yours over air. Share your balls.
Max
growth.
Minus sexier All right.
Yeah,
Erik
it is more in line with the game.
Chastain
That’s not what this game is about.
Max
You’re not what this game is about. The whole damn system isn’t what this game is about.
I’m mad as hell, but
Erik
you can’t handle the truth.
Who’s taking my cards? Cut it out on my blog in the laptop. It’s about to die.
Okay, same tritter saying the amazing superhero sidekick duo. It’s blank. How do we put you in? Just put them on the same doses keep scrambling.
Okay,
Max
let me ask a question. I have a card that is word and word. Can I just put in one? That’s fine with me.
Erik
Mine the order is going to be important. So I’m going to use the right two boxes. Oh, good call and the first one is reversed. And the second one is second.
Max
We’re not supposed to know
what they’ll say disconnected.
Erik
I guess it did defeat the purpose. Yes. But it was important to me that the one came before the other and that could lead to conflict.
I might click the wrong thing. I mean, to be fair.
All right. Introducing the amazing superhero sidekick duo. It’s Oh, no. Flip stack chef. Here we go. Flip.
It’s my good bra. Fighting sex snakes
it’s bingeing in
my podcast and then we just clean stuff. Yes we did.
It’s huge biceps and
Max
wait, why?
Erik
The other way around. It’s funny.
I’m gonna try it. It’s bicular mag slaughter and huge biceps.
Max
In fallible
bra and flying sex snakes is objectively the funniest but I appreciate that mags Want to
Max
like when you get a point? That doesn’t mean you?
I won that round? I won the battle if not the war.
Erik
Okay, who’s
Chastain
that tell you Erik that your name on my screen is rational amplitude?
Erik
Yeah.
Did you change it to that or is that just
Erik
what you just did it? It’s picking names that are just supposed to be
Max
military historians remember Alexander the Great for his brilliant use of blank against the Persians.
Biggest thought that’s what she said. She said
Max
no, sir historians remember Alexander the Great for his brilliant use of funky fresh rhymes. Oh, fleshlight Oh, or of whipping it out
against the person. Okay.
Max
So that’s the thing nobody has ever used a flashlight against anyone. A flashlight is a source. have pure good and Light and Magic in the world. It’s true. So whipping it out. It’s whipping it out against. Yeah. Alexander the Great probably literally did on a mountaintop and whip it out like what now?
Erik
What do you think they could have the great yeah, that’s huge. That’s huge.
Yeah, that’s me. Yeah.
When I whip it out, you whip it out. We whip it up
against the Persian I guess the Persians
eat Erik.
Erik
What never fails to liven up the party,
Max
a fleshlight?
Erik
That was last round. And they’re in.
Chastain
That’s what she said.
Max
They’re there in
Oh, how many
Erik
going for the DVD? Hey. What never fails 11 Have a party 50,000 votes straight to the nipples that would be worth my cheating son of a bitch husband
Hannah
lovely
Erik
three dicks at the same time. It’s a common theme so
Max
anybody who’s ever said that DVD a is their favorite band
Chastain
I took a screenshot of this so I can post a picture but use this as our picture for that episode. Good idea.
Erik
By the by it has been for too long since I’ve watched the movie or Gizmo.
Chastain
I thought you were gonna say since you had three Dixon’s idea.
Erik
No, that’s never happened.
Yeah,
Max
I mean, we’ve discussed before what the term Hold up, me holding up whether or Hold up.
Erik
Oh, I don’t think it would hold up.
I mean, I thought that was not what you said it would make me laugh.
Max
Yeah. So you think it’s so funny?
Erik
There would be bits it would.
Chastain
Yeah, you would laugh at them. I would not I would get.
Erik
I would get highly offended.
Max
Yeah, I think basketball is probably still really funny. Baseball was a very fun, enjoyable.
Yeah. I like baseball. I liked that. What was the other volley?
Max
Oh, and it had dodgeball and it had. No. I enjoyed that with baseball head. Dale Earnhardt in it right in power. You
Chastain
just watched dodgeball instead?
Max
That has nothing to do with what we’re talking about. It’s not a parkour sci fi.
Erik
Not in any way related. Other than that, it is the word ball. He
Max
didn’t say balls of fury. It’s a pinball the ping pong movie.
Erik
I never saw that. Why are you scowling?
I don’t know as the resident millennial I’ve no idea what’s going on I don’t think you get
Chastain
like a millennial with this like pop culture okay on Roma stuff though Okay, you’re not missing anything. Trust
Erik
trust
Chastain
hey hi hello if you’re enjoying the podcast please consider becoming a patron on our Patreon you can go to podpodcvltcast.com/supportthepod that’s PodPodCvltCast.com/supportthepod and check out our membership tiers and our new community and information about the cult cast media club, our Patreon exclusive podcast series where we talk about books and music and movies are about kink and polyamory and non monogamy and even if they aren’t, we tried to make it so we’re Now we are spread out because of the pandemic and it’s causing some extra expenses. So whatever you can help us out with we appreciate. We also appreciate you sharing the show with people that you think might enjoy it and also following us on social media sharing our posts on social media that helps us as well. Thank you so much for listening. I want you get back to the podcast. Whose turn is it? Is it my turn? Yeah.
Hannah
Wait, do claim your point. You do for live enough.
Chastain
Okay, hang on. I had to click on the thing. Okay. What’s Teach for America using to inspire inner city students to succeed? It makes me nervous when you when you have quick answer, because that makes me nervous when I have quick answers. Why didn’t somebody just give me an extra card? Then it just looks like that.
Erik
Yeah, just looks like it.
Max
Were you were you? Were you, like finish the test first and then sit there for a long time because you were nervous to turn in first person.
Chastain
No, I finished it first and then I would turn it in so that everybody else would be nervous and feel like they were failures in life.
Max
I was gonna say this tie. I was a sit there until at least two other people turned it in. Because I felt like I was fucking up.
Erik
In elementary school, I would do the one and then middle school I would do the other.
Chastain
All right, let’s see what Teach for America is using to inspire our inner city students to succeed. They’re using white privilege. Hmm. inner
Max
game but
Hannah
Teach for America is using only dating Asian women to inspire her inner city students or emotions.
Erik
It’s this game but it’s so
Hannah
inspiring.
Max
Okay to shape
Chastain
I’m gonna go with emotions. I feel like that’s the least offensive answer.
Hannah
Yay. I’m always the least offensive.
Max
This game but
Erik
that’s true with this is what we’re playing remember,
Chastain
Hannah wins yay Hannah winning with emotion planning with emotions. Awful so she gets the point.
Erik
Why is the one Kurt still over? I don’t know.
Hannah
X is having a good time. Okay, have a good time. Are you ready? Yes. This season at step above Samuel Beckett’s classic existential play, waiting for answers. We’re ready. Waiting for a much younger woman.
Max
I get it.
Okay. Florence Pugh. Speaking of a much younger woman, y’all know who she is because we watched midsummer together. Yes. She’s 24. Yeah. Very accomplished. Very lovely. Yes. She starts with bang. She is dating a 45 year old. And I just Okay. Wait, how old? Are you? 24?
Chastain
Yeah. When I was 19. I always, I try not to West Virginia at the time, which is the Chickenhawk state. So right?
Like I try not to make age gap judgments. And like even most especially with movie stars, because they’re in a weird bubble, where they all are on the same projects and going to the same parties. Totally talk to each other. 45 don’t look, she’s dating Zach Braff.
Erik
It’s just kind of weird. What I have more problem with the fact that it’s exact Brampton that there’s an age.
Chastain
I mean, the thing is, is that When you have that much money and privilege, like age, like visual age, and also like if you think about like maturity to like,
Max
Yeah, well, but also that’s also a weird world where, like, there are a lot of examples where those men like have a lot more power. So there’s a weird imbalance like, yeah, the the woman who was the actress in shucks, American Beauty. Mm hmm. She married someone who is very Yeah, she married someone who was like 25 years older than her and also a director, I think. And that’s an example of like, there’s already a weird power imbalance, right? where like, anybody else’s personal relationship is not my or anybody else’s business. And you can make whatever choice you want to make. Right? But like that seems weird because not only is there the age thing, there’s also an a built in power imbalance in Like that position versus the position of an actor, and also
Pod Pod Cvlt Cast
just like there’s this like Hollywood problem with misogyny and all that stuff, too. Yeah. Yeah, I think it’s problematic. But I think it would look more problematic to us if it were in some other industry and also feel blocked. Yeah. And it’s been it’s been more the trend lately that women who are over 40 have I mean, we’ve seen to me more do it. We’ve seen it to some random do it. We’ve seen women who are older be in relationships with much younger men.
Erik
So
Max
I meet me, so I mean, you know, I mean, yeah, I was gonna say, I’m speaking as person who is one partner who is three years younger than the one partner who’s eight years younger than me and a third partner who’s 13 years younger. So, yeah, I have a lot of room to talk.
Perception is interesting, and it’s an interesting time right now. were like, even folks who might have tried to fly under the radar or like Mr. act on a relationship they can’t because they’re isolated together right now. And we’re also hungry for gossip. Anyway, that hot gas Alright, Beckett’s classic existential play waiting for all the dudes I fucked
Hannah
waiting for spontaneous human combustion. Oh, these are good. Um much younger woman.
Chastain
Can we write these? Can we please? Okay, yeah, wait, wait, are you
Hannah
let’s get one waiting for spontaneous human.
Chastain
Let’s get it let’s get it let’s get a video getting a video call threesome go on Erik.
Max
Why don’t you guys take care of that after we get done with With the door like what what is it good for?
Erik
Absolutely nothing.
Chastain
Good god
Hannah
difficult decision.
Erik
mean Goodson good possibility
Max
of war. What is it good for? It’s good for the female orgasm. It’s good for bitches. It’s good for a fuck ton of. I mean, we’re trying to stick to the topics of the show. So I would have to say it’s good for the This feels gross in a way, the more I think about it. It’s good for the female or again,
Chastain
I don’t think you’re playing the game here. I play the game. Play the game. Are you crushed by the female orgasm?
Max
No, I’m grossed out by the implication that like, like women love violence or whatever that’s that’s why I’m grossed out.
I mean, I always thought women loved being home alone.
Max
Thank you for saving my answer that’s still the answer.
Chastain
It Up there was like yay like
Erik
Good morning, ladies.
Hannah
Yep. What is it good for lesbian ism All right.
Chastain
Lesbian tik tok is off the chain y’all.
Erik
Who do or
why do I hurt all over? You wanted affectation in the reading the questions.
Erik
And I am not disappointed Erik.
What do I hurt? authentic Mexican cuisine. That’s a good answer. dancer. How did you just say Mexican,
Erik
Mexican cuisine,
Chastain
Mexican cuisine.
Max
I was trying to think of ways that
Erik
becoming a blueberry
sound like hurts all over.
Erik
I mean, it didn’t look pleasant in Charlie in the Chocolate Factory for sterilization Wow. Well, authentic Mexican cuisine would be well, because yeah.
Mexico, whiskey, whiskey
and whiskey
on Mexican whiskey.
Erik
tacos have a very specific hurt all over
Max
this is our special with their own From being alone too long
Erik
and forced sterilization is not necessarily we go over either a blueberry is if you’re doing it right well
Hannah
imagining how becoming a blueberry feels
Erik
yeah because it would be like you would go from a linear figure to a much rounder one
Chastain
like your body would look like become liquid on the inside.
Erik
Yeah, there’s an evolution direction with skin getting to toe Okay, I get it we’re talking
Max
about me it’s
Erik
it’s the blueberry blueberry gets it
Chastain
Yay. And actually got the bicycle. You’re gonna be okay baby.
Oh, is it my turn to read? Yes. Putting
my points
Okay, when Pharaoh Oh, it’s so small.
Erik
It is. Yeah, it’s ridiculous
when Pharaoh remain Egypt’s lad
Max
people who lead
my podcast go
Chastain
when Pharaoh remained unmoved, Moses called down a plague of blank when Pharaoh remained unmoved Moses called down a plague of expecting a burp and vomiting on the floor.
No
Max
Come on. Feet cool.
Moses calm down a plague of poor people.
Dale,
Max
do you think Pharaoh called Moses It was like, come on, man. Be Cool. Not me, bro.
Like have daddy issues oh I’m gonna go with daddy issues or
yeah I am Um Yes daddy issues for 100 Alex who gets the points
Erik
yay no very last place
yay you got my daddy is your honor
I do
all right we have blank that was so metal
it’s because nobody use it
oh that would be my upstairs neighbors yeah shaky and Ashley here or sorry
that was Metal
what was that what was so metal? I can’t more elephant cock than I bargained for. Okay, getting drugs off the street and into my body. That was so metal,
Max
literally off the street on a
Erik
battlefield amputation. I mean, that’s pretty cool.
Max
You’ve given me something to think about.
I am blown away
about more elephant cock than I bargained for.
Right. Oh,
Erik
that would be me.
It’s gated ground.
Max
Yay. If you can’t be with the one you love, honey,
no have anything that even grammatically makes sense. So here goes nothing
Max
can’t be with the one you love getting married, having a few kids buying Some stuff retiring Florida and dying. Okay, waiting till marriage or the only gay person in 100 miles. If you can’t be with the one you love,
I think
Max
it has to be getting married, having few kids, etc, etc.
Erik
That’s right. It doesn’t have to be.
Max
He did he took the point. Eric’s getting impatient.
Oh,
Erik
no, no, I was just a happy with that answer. It didn’t seem
Max
fair it sir.
Erik
Erica Chang. TSA guidelines now prohibit blank on airplanes. And the blanks are TSA guidelines now prohibits an erection that lasts longer than four hours. It’s
Max
a long fight to be
Erik
concealing a boner. Well, we’ve got to think the theme is my cock and agriculture. There’s still a theme.
Thanks growing.
Max
Yeah, you don’t have to be lonely when there’s farmersonly.com.
Erik
Well, I would hope that they would know that they wouldn’t prohibit the concealing of a boater because that would imply
I hope that they are hibbott the concealment of a moaner
Wait, you know,
Erik
they just feel I really
Chastain
think that we should just let boners be a thing that happened. Thank you.
Erik
I mean, they are just a thing that happened to me but you’re advocating
Max
to whipping it out. That’s you’re advocating right?
Erik
You don’t want that. That’s
what Alexander the Great would do.
Max
tg
Erik
No no no no I’m a strong advocate for concealing a boner on a flight and what air
How would you conceal a boater on a flight? Oh
oh yeah by as you say trade down
Max
they give you blankets anymore
Chastain
if they do give you blankets where they’re the blankets of plague
victims you know
Erik
it’s it’s good to be this guy here You can’t have this thanks for for playing
I’ll talk to him Tell me pleasant for everybody also the blood pressure issues are not cool
right?
Chastain
What makes life worth living what makes life worth living?
Erik
Well that would infuriate you but I’m not gonna
do infuriate me specifically,
Erik
yeah.
Chastain
Oh, doesn’t involve hurting donkeys
Erik
change it.
Chastain
Alright, I’m gonna save that one for last. I’m going to savor it. Oh you’re shuffling them hours max shuffling though.
Max the shuffling power. Okay
I see two cans right there.
Okay, so power
Max
beer containers. I got these sweet cat
Erik
pictures.
You don’t have to see pictures Big Boy.
Currency it’ll be over one day.
From 16 feet away tomorrow
Max
June 11. We’re back in business.
Chastain
What makes life worth living well hetero. No normativity
Max
oh don’t have to shuffle
Chastain
sperm whales being able to talk to elephants which of these I’m gonna put this out to our listeners to answer right? This is giving you life which gives you life today in these in these times certain of these motherfucking uncertain times
Max
here uncertain times 37 more times
challenging times how do you find out trying times?
Max
Oh yeah, I’ve heard these I feel like uncertain is what I hear most What about these tittie times?
Erik
When were the times differ certain
What about these TDs
Max
1953 let’s call them these
Chastain
makes life worth living and
Max
dear listener, oh wait there was Korea for that doesn’t tear
Chastain
us listener
nice. Do one
Chastain
TDs DUNS what makes your life worth living? Is it heteronormativity?
Neither
Chastain
could it could it be sperm whales? Nay? Is it being able to talk to elephants? Your bet your sweet acid is?
Hey, Max.
Max
me getting points just prolongs this thing.
Oh, I’m winning windows seven. airplane to seven, right? That’s it’s about their
Max
hands.
Okay. All right two cards blank is a slippery slope that leads to blank.
do my best attorneys in a way that makes me think how do I do this? Okay.
Joe, wait, which one do I put on top? Like which one do I put down first? My second one and the first one.
Oh, goodness. I put your first one goes down first because it’s gonna fly. Look the whole stack. Okay, cool.
Equally as distressing to figure out in person,
Chastain
okay, great. Yeah, yeah. We don’t like the two for cars because there’s a whole lot of like which card do I put Where?
Eric just doesn’t do it. He just
things are still getting arranged. So everyone Tell me when you’re I’m ready. Okay, good. Child beauty pageants is a slippery slope that leads to heartwarming orphans. A bag of magic beans is a slippery slope that leads to getting fingered.
Max
But what doesn’t get much these days these uncertain times in this economy,
a bleached asshole is a slippery slope that leads to looking in the mirror applying lipstick and whispering. Tonight you will have sex with Tom Cruise.
So many creativity points there
Max
let’s remember that assholes are only slippery slopes if you use lube and you should
Erik
use appropriately
Chastain
you should use a silicone base layer because water base lubes dry up faster you can use coconut oil if you’re trying to
Max
relevant to the shit that we
Erik
got. I’m sorry that sounded snarky, but I was actually genuinely mean I am too That’s why I played the card that said bleached acid.
Max
Oh, O now getting richer who’s doing Oh wait.
beauty pageants, heartwarming orphans because absurdity
Max
rally.
Come back. We’re in a tie
Max
here. Oh, I should be reading into the mic. Here’s the church. Here’s the steeple, open the doors and there is blank. Alright everybody then here’s the church. Here’s people open the doors and there is the middle man. What a time travel paradox or something with seething with quiet resentment. Clearly
quiet. Yes, sir.
Max
Just takes the point. That’s right. Okie dokie Oh, three way tie.
Erik
Boy Betcha can’t have just one was that boy They’re a really cool hat. Because you can’t have just one. Explain your audience wave to me. Harry doesn’t
Max
have any.
Chastain
You come alone. Yes, sexy hats.
Erik
disappointing birthday party. Oh.
Max
It’s autobiographical.
Erik
First giving seven hand jobs than smoking a cigarette. He can’t.
Max
I wasn’t looking at the cards. I was wondering to myself, what’s the eighth one?
Erik
Well, that’s what it says bitch. just won. That one wins because I’m confused.
Really cool.
Erik
I mean, they’re only marginally cool
or sexy. Thanks.
Max
Alright, so that was that
was kind of an hour.
Erik
hour six.
There was dead air.
Max
Yeah, there’s a lot of editing. We’re looking at the good job. So polyamory can’t consent for agreements self
care.
Chastain
Yes, stay insane. Taking care of people dealing with beings and stuff being human beings showering at least once a week
Max
I was trying to talk about the stated topics of art. Um,
Chastain
before you vent asked for consent from your partners
Max
if the glove doesn’t fit you must so we’re just doing things that wrong
if
Max
a
Chastain
practice usual masturbation because we might be facing a condom shortage.
Erik
Excuse me.
Max
Frankie says relax. What are we
trying to make the biscuits?
Max
Ah,
we have fun
all right. Have a great week everybody. Good night
Hey,
morning
Erik
or whenever you happen to be listening
Chastain
You’ve been listening to the Pod Pod Cvlt Cast with your hosts, Max, Chastain, Hannah and Erik. Our theme music is my Lobo loco. Break music is by Goberino with Pale Blue. You can find us on the web at podpodcvltcast.com. That’s cvlt with a V where you’ll find transcripts of our episodes, show notes and more. Thank you so much for listening.
Credits & Contact
- Hosts: Max, Chastain, Hannah, & Erik
- Website: www.podpodcvltcast.com
- Email: thepod@podpodcvltcast.com
- Title Music: “Spencer – Bluegrass” by Lobo Loco
- Midroll Music: “The Point Break” by Pale Blue/Goberino
Social Meteors
- Instagram: @cvltwithav
- Twitter: @PodPodCvltCast
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